Having a baby is supposed to be a time of joy, but some mothers find themselves standing on the brink of an abyss. Catherine Watson and Samantha Robin report.At her worst, Wendy Beamish couldn’t leave the house. One day, she crouched in the shower, crying out for someone to help, knowing that no one would or could.
‘‘I felt so useless. I remember wishing tomorrow wouldn’t come. I would never have taken my life because of my convictions, but I didn’t want to live,’’ she recalls.
Remembering those dark days is enough to make Beamish shudder. She did a lot of remembering as she worked on her first book, Coming Out of the Dark, the story of her battle with postnatal depression. She wrote it to help other women suffering from the illness — an estimated one in seven mothers.
‘‘I wanted something good to come out of such a bad time,’’ she says. ‘‘The experience was still very raw for me at the time. Just thinking about it would make me cry. The memories are so vivid.’’
The book chronicles a year of dramatic change in Beamish’s life. Before she gave birth to her daughter Candice two years ago, she was a young executive assistant, ambitious and confident. She loved her job and excelled at it. She was good at public speaking and preached in her church.
When she took maternity leave to have her first baby, everything went well — even a brief spell of the baby blues after Candice’s birth was normal. After all, 80 per cent of new mothers experience that.
A couple of months later, Beamish returned to work, eager to pick up where she had left off. And that’s when the trouble started. ‘‘I wanted to excel at work but I couldn’t get enough sleep. I was only getting a couple of hours a night. I felt I was failing at work and I was failing as a mother. I’d always been a very organised person but throw a baby into the mix and suddenly I felt useless.’’
Seven months after Candice’s birth, she ‘‘crashed’’.
‘‘I was losing the plot. I felt as though I was going insane. I couldn’t sleep at night. I’d be sitting on the couch worrying. I couldn’t stop the negative feelings. I had a sense of imminent danger that I couldn’t shake off. I remember looking at Candice while she was sleeping, holding her hand and thinking that she would be taken away from me, and I didn’t know what I’d do.’’
The simplest decision became impossible. She would stand in the baby food aisle at the supermarket for 15 minutes, unable to decide what to buy. Later, she couldn’t even leave the house to buy milk at the local milk bar.
It was her husband, Peter, who brought matters to a head. Desperately worried about her, he persuaded her to fill out a checklist from beyondblue, the depression initiative. Beamish’s answers indicated she could have postnatal depression.
Her GP prescribed Zoloft, an anti-depressive, and referred her for counselling sessions with a psychologist and sleep therapy. She also benefited from joining a playgroup for mothers with PND.
There are plenty of mothers who can relate to Beamish’s experience.
Peninsula Health, The Peninsula GP Network and council Maternal Child Health services are working together across the Mornington Peninsula and Frankston to ensure signs of postnatal depression are identified as early as possible.
Beyondblue’s deputy chief executive Nicole Highet says there are many symptoms for new mothers and their partners to be aware of.
‘‘Women can experience a range of symptoms such as not getting enjoyment from everyday activities they used to enjoy, finding it difficult to socialise, feeling anxious or worried about small things, having panic attacks, feeling like things getting on top of them, feeling out of control, feeling sad or miserable and having difficulty sleeping,’’ Dr Highet says.
‘‘Many women think it is the baby blues and it will just pass but if the symptoms are persistent it is most likely a case of postnatal depression.’’
The baby blues refers to a physical drop in hormones immediately after birth of a baby. It only lasts for usually the first day after pregnancy.
Dr Highet says the most important thing for new mothers is to be aware of the symptoms and seek treatment early if they experience any warning signs.
‘‘It is one of the myths of motherhood that you will fall in love with your baby as soon as you see it. It may take time to develop a close bond with your baby.’’
The mandatory screening program is a non-invasive process that simply involves asking women a series of questions about how they have been feeling over the past seven days. The questions relate to lifestyle, risk factors and family history.
If women display symptoms, they are assessed further and put in touch with appropriate professionals.
Women on the peninsula are gaining some solace through Peninsula Health’s Mother Baby Unit, run from Rosebud Hospital. The unit provides an in-patient service for mothers who are experiencing depression or having significant issues adjusting to parenting.
The private, home-like setting with 24-hour-medical support from doctors, nurses, midwives and women’s-health professionals helps about 600 mothers and their babies every year.
Beamish hopes her book will show all mothers that there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel.
She is now trying to take a more casual approach to life. ‘‘They say very organised people are more prone to PND because they like to be in control. I think I’ve just come to accept that raising a child is not easy and other parents struggle as much as I did. I’m not going to feel guilty if Candice is having a tantrum’
‘‘It’s been a terrible time but good is going to come out of this experience. I would never have been able to write my book if I hadn’t gone through it. Out of deep pain comes knowledge.’’
HELPING HANDS
Eastern Access Community Health counselling, each.com.au or 9871 1800
Beyondblue, 1300 22 4636
Postnatal Depression Support Group, knox.vic.gov.au or 9298 8309
Post and Ante Natal Depression Association, panda.org.au, 1300 726 306
Coming Out of the Dark can be ordered at youcanbeatpnd.com
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